Long Distance, Please!

Long Distance, Please

Thanks to our transient society and the internet many couples have to learn to endure a long distance relationship.  A driving distance of two or three hours is usually bearable.  If the separation is greater than that, a couple must determine if they can tolerate the stress of minimal contact and delayed conflict resolution.

 

There are benefits and challenges to this kind of relationship.  There is less temptation to spend too much time together but you are more tempted to stay on the phone too long.  You may have fewer petty conflicts, but less time to resolve the important ones.

 

When the separation occurs after the friendship is on a firm footing the problem is easier to manage.  In the early stages it will take lots of hard work for you to get to know, and eventually trust one another.  This takes a great deal of patience.

 

Separations will surely test the strength of your commitment to each other.  To have a successful long distance relationship a couple will need three things – commitment, money, and friends.  Planning is crucial.  Plan your time and visits wisely.  Try to avoid overtaxing any of your resources 

 

Although you see each other less often the issue of celibacy may be more challenging.  Couples look forward to their visits with great anticipation.  Your times together will be quite intense, especially as it gets closer to the end of the visit.  Special safeguards should be put into practice early.  Enlist the help of your friends and your church to safely and successfully maintain your relationship.

 

NEXT:  Long Distance Fighting

Q and A

Question from Email:  From a church Singles Group

Hi,

We all went to lunch yesterday.  (Your seminars are always a topic at all our events/ meetings since you gave it last month).  Someone made the comment that you had stated that the man and woman (courting couple) should not pray together because that is a form of intimacy. You were probably misquoted.  Can you please clarify?  This question will probably come up again in our next session, but we can't wait.

 

Thanks.

T. R. (Wash., D.C.)

 

 

Yup!  I said it, but the quote is slightly off.  (By the way, this did not originate with me, but with a well-known pastor I used to work under.)  He said men and women should not be "prayer partners," praying together for long periods of time about personal subjects.  (Now, be cautious with the rest of this statement.)  He said there is very little distance between the intensity of prayer and the intensity of other kinds of intimacy,which makes it easy to cross the line.  (Hisrendition was slightly more graphic.) OK?  OK. Boy, you guys are tough! 

 

Couples should certainly pray for each other, and about their relationship.  It is the "together" part that should be limited.  Let's remember that Satan is out to get you any way he can.  If one thing doesn't work, he will just try another.

Q and A

Question from Email re: a two year relationship

Hi,

I have a question? Why do relationships have to be so difficult?  The guy I am currently seeing acts like he does not care whether I stay or go so I have decided to go on with my reassignment to either Italy or Spain next summer. I cannot put my life on hold until he decides if I am the one he wants to marry. Life is too short.  If its God's will that we are together then He will work it out. I am done. IR

 

Dear IR,

Relationships are hard.  Many men want the company of a woman with little commitment.  Your guy doesn't even want the responsibility of ending the relationship.  He is making you make the decision while he pretends to be supportive of your career.  If he wanted things to continue he would let you know.  He doesn't seem to want to put in much work.  Have you always made life very easy for him?  Has he depended on you to keep things interesting?  If he has been single for a long time he may want to go with the flow and just chill. If he doesn't have you around he will probably find someone else to make his life easy.  If what I am saying rings true he is probably not a good candidate for a life partner.  You may as well make the decision that works best for you. It is also okay to ask a direct question about where the relationship is headed