TROUBLE SHOOTING

Caution: Children on Board

 

Television stations recently aired a commercial that shows an idyllic scene of man and woman locked in an adoring gaze over a dinner table.  As they smile lovingly at each other they are suddenly pelted with flying peas.  The camera pans back to reveal the rest of the table which seats a pre-schooler, a preteen, and a baby in a high chair gleefully launching his peas.  This abrupt intrusion of reality is similar to what happens in the lives of couples who marry with children.

 

Couples in the early stages of a relationship often seem to forget that there are children involved.  They are so focused on the new object of their affections that they like to assume that such mundane issues are not important.  Although it may be wise to keep the children out of the process until some decisions about the future of the relationship have been made, many couples seem to pretend that the children don’t exist. Even in premarital counseling, the counselor is often the first one to mention the children.  The couple immediately reassures her that everything is perfect.  And yet children will almost surly bring the couple down to earth if they proceed to marriage. 

 

“Oh!  The children love him/her,” parents report gleefully, citing as evidence two dinners at Chuck E.Cheese’s and a day at Water World.  Children’s issues around remarriage often surface slowly, and in disguise.  They are not always conscious of how they feel and have trouble articulating those conflicting feelings.  Plan to give them the time they need to begin to wrap their minds around the changes that are taking place.  (Children of any age need this time.)

 

When things get serious couples should begin some research into the subject of step-parenting.  Don’t assume that you know how to do this.  I usually recommend to couples that they each select and read three books that address their custodial situation.  They should then switch books, read each other’s, and discuss them.  The list should include books from both Christian and secular bookstores.  This exercise is designed to break through the rose-colored bubble that surrounds their current situation.  The time you spend helping children through this process will save time and trouble in the end.

ATTRACTION

Unequally Yoked

It is not easy to find out if someone is a born-again believer or to determine his level of spiritual maturity, but it is important to do so as soon as possible. Be prepared to walk away if this person has not made a decision to live for Christ.

 

Brand-new Christians are especially susceptible to being swept off their feet by the first Bible-totin’-quotin’ guy who takes and interest in them.  Like all babies, baby Christians need time to develop the ability to make wise decisions.  The observations of others can be extremely helpful. 

 

A young woman I know met a man soon after her conversion.  He said all the right things and seemed grounded in his Christian walk.  She was quite interested in him and they were making plans for the future.  Others who met him, however, immediately raised questions about his spiritual condition.  Brothers in the church talked to him and learned that, although he knew a lot about the Bible, he had never given his life to Christ.  He simply knew how to “talk the talk”.  Much of what he told her about himself turned out to be completely untrue. 

 

When you are attracted to someone it is easy to overlook problems that are obvious to a more clear-headed observer.  Once she ended the relationship, the woman in this story was able see many hints and clues that had been there all along. This naive young woman felt truly rescued, but she learned a great lesson from the experience.